Weight Loss Update

I haven't spoken about my weight loss in awhile.

So the question you're all asking is probably, how is it going?

The answer is, pretty damn well!

This morning I weighed 104.3kg, thats a loss of 47kg since August 2014.

I can now walk into a clothing store and buy from the NON-plus size section! That's right, I'm in size 16-18! I just can't believe it! I was trying clothing on in the non-plus size section and having to get a smaller size! I'm not into Jeansweast jeans yet... but I'm pretty damn close. They have Curvy Jeans, which are awesome and I probably would fit in them... but I want to get into a pair of their SUPER SKINNY jeans! My whole life I have wanted to wear skinny jeans... but it's been very hard to find them in my size... now I'm getting closer.

My bra size has gone from 26DD, to 16C... I'm not even worried about the loss of boob size... I just excited I can now wear pretty sexy bras (I understand that there is pretty sexy bras in size 26DD, but they were hard to find in town... or very expensive! YAY for $12 BONDS bras!!!)

I have teal hair now too (you have probably seen the photos on instagram to my other blog) and it's awesome. People either love it... or don't say anything!!

I haven't jumped on the exercise train yet... I tried, with boxing... but I got sick and didn't go to one... then I had an appointment, and then I was sick again... so I have missed heaps, and just don't feel it anymore.

I'm heading to New Zealand in September (like I don’t talk about it enough!!) I'll be there for 20ish days. Thats the longest I've been away from my family... and the futherest I've been away from home... and not to forget A WHOLE DIFFERENT COUNTRY! I'm pretty much have travel and New Zealand on the brain... every time I'm online, I'm on Pinterest looking at photos of NZ, or looking at packing and travel tips... I've gone crazy! It's way to early for me to even be worrying about this sort of stuff yet... I don't even have a passport yet... (I'm close... just need the money... and the interview!)

I'm very excited about 2015. I can't believe it's March already!

<3 Molly

Anxiety

Last night I had a anxiety attack over food.
I can feel myself starting to avoid food more and more.
It's one of the side effects of weight loss surgery, but it's very rare.
I feel weird even thinking about it.
It's always been an illness you relate to super skinny people.
But it's not, over weight and obese people can get it too.
Food is a very important part of life, especially for me, I'm not capable of eating much, so I need to be even more aware of what I'm putting in my mouth.
So not chips, and chocolates!

I'm avoiding going into my kitchen.
It smells, and there is rubbish everywhere
The dishes are unwashed and the fridge is full of cake, and leftover take away food.
The pantry is full of biscuits.
I'm sure there is food there suitable for me
But it depresses me, that I have to push past all the food I love to find it.
I don't have enough energy to put that much effort in.
And it's not much effort.

Maybe I should just suck it up and clean the kitchen
Not much of the mess is mine. Some of it is.
I feel like I shouldn't have too.
But I feel like that if I don't, it won't get done.

I don't have any support.
I don't want to ask for it.
I shouldn't expect it to just be there.
I can't expect my family to change their lives to fit with me.

<3 Molly

Christmas Came Early!

I received an early Christmas present!

A bike!

Isn't it beautiful!?

I went for a short ride yesterday!

When I finished my legs were jelly

and my butt hurt so much!

But I can't wait to ride again.

I haven't ridden a bike in at least 15 years!

I had forget how it feels to have the wind in your face!

And strangely, I'm looking forward to my first fall.

It's a little weird. I'm not going out there to intentionally injure myself

but I will be very proud of bruises and scraps I get when I fall off.

My weight loss has been very slow over the past 2 weeks.

I've only lost 500grams. It's my bodies way of telling me it's time to exercise.

Hense the rush to get a bike.

Mum, and Dad helped me pay for it.

I was going to put it on layby and pay it off, but they finished paying it off for me.

Plus, I took Dad with me to the bike shop (because he knows people) and I received a considerable discount! (YAY! "the people you know!")

Check out my weight loss graph!

Look at the downward-ness!!!

YAY!

<3 Molly

30 KG Down!

I've lost 30kg!
YAY!

I had a doctors appointment today, and he's very proud of me.
He wants me to start cycling. AHHH!
I guess I'll ask Santa to get me a bike for Christmas!

:)

Also... my new phone arrived... more information here!

<3 Molly

Minor Side Effect!

I have an appointment with a local dietitian tomorrow morning.
I'm excited, and nervous. I don't really know what she will be able to do for me... I'm hoping for a little motivation and some help with meal plans and organisation. I hope she can help.

Let me tell you about one of the small side effects I have discovered after my surgery.
Back story ------ I never ever had any physical problems when I got my period... I became moody... but that was is....
NOW... OMG is this what having babies feels like?
I get really really bad intestinal cramps... and lady cramps... I feel nauseous... it's horrible... I haven't had it checked by a doctor (it's on the list) but it's happened twice since my surgery... just before and during my period! GAH!

That's the only negative thing I have to report at the moment.

5 weeks until the end of my work year... then Christmas break, and then I'm back at work, in a new room (the Babies room) with a new Room Leader... I'm excited for the change... but not looking forward to working with babies... I prefer the older children... the 3yo+

BUT... YAY CHANGE!!!

I have 5 weeks to finish the 3 year old section of my Traineeship... plus all the general work things, like Christmas craft, finishing portfolios, and the dreaded room clean! I'm not stressed... yet!

<3 Molly

MILESTONE!

I hit a major weight loss milestone today!

I now weigh 126.2kg... thats a total loss of 25.1kg! Half way to my personal goal (I want to lose 50kg... doctors want me to lose 75kg) I can't believe I've lost 25.1kg since August 28... thats 3 months! It has been a very long 3 months... So at this rate, I could be at my goal by April :)

I would like to thank everyone who has supported me over the past 3 months. You're AWESOME!

Here's to the next 3 months!!!

<3 Molly

Update

So, an update!

My weight loss has slowed a little, down 2kgs since last post.
I have been shopping, and bought some size 20 clothing! Down from size 26!

I had my first post surgery experiences at a restaurant. We had Chinese, and was with 10 other people so we ordered a few different meals and shared.
I had about 6 pieces of chicken, and that was it. And I was okay with that.
It was my uncles 70th birthday, it as great to see my cousins from dads side of the family.

I have an appointment with a Dietitian on the 19th of November, hopefully to get some sort of meal plan and support.

Sorry for the lack of updates.

<3 Molly

Progress Photos

 August 29th 2014 - 151.3kg

October 6th 2014 - 134.8kg

Looking at these photos together make me cry, tears of happiness. Day to day, I can't see the weight loss, my family can, but I can't. Seeing these photos and actually seeing the physical change is amazing!

<3 Molly

I Survived :D

Hey Everyone!
Sorry for the lack of posts.
My surgery went well, no complications.
I was out of hospital after 2 nights, and was up and about straight away.
The 10 nights staying in the hotel was hard. I was very emotional and exhausted.

My post-op appointment went well. Wounds have healed with no infections... I'm so surprised how quickly I'm back into it, considering how drastic the surgery was. It still hasn't really sunk in that 2/3 of my stomach is gone!!!

I currently weight 134.8kg. Thats a lost of 6.4kg from surgery, and 16.5kg lost in total since August 29th!! I feel amazing!

I took some photos and when I compared them to my photos I took in August, I cried. You can really see the difference!

Thanks to everyone for their support.
Know I have to teach myself to eat again :D

<3 Molly

Is "Fat" so bad?

"Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’?"
~ J.K Rowling

Even though I'm going through this surgery to help me lose weight, I'm not ashamed to be fat. I know that even after this surgery I will still be considered "fat"... but where do we draw the line? At what weight do we start being "skinny"? "Fat", "Skinny" they're words, just words... there are more important words, "Healthy" and "Happy" come to mind.

I just want to be Healthy and Happy, and I'm getting there :)

<3 Molly

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PUREED FOOD!

The thought that I will have to spend 3 weeks eating pureed food has just hit me! I hate "soft food", I hate the texture... what am I going to do!? I was reading on the internet and they suggest one meat meal... pureed meat!!! GROSS!!
I may have to live on mashed potato, pumpkin, sweet potato & carrot... or learn to like baby food!

<3 Molly

Pretty Tights!

I had an awesome thought today.
Once I start losing weight, I'll be able to wear awesome leggings. The bright ones, the mermaid ones, Adventure Time ones... so many types of leggings! I'm a little too excited!

I'm heading to Perth on Sunday for an appointment with the doctor doing the surgery, and a team of people to help me get ready, and survive after, including a dietician, an exercise physiologist and a bariatic doctor. I'm very nervous. Since I need to do a 4 week VLC diet to shrink my liver... my surgery could be as little as 4 weeks from next Monday! That's a scary thought!

<3 Molly

Survival

I survived my first week back at work.
I feel like I haven't had any time off. It was pretty crazy!

I also found out during the week, that a friend of mine had been killed in a car accident. We weren't overly close (I don't have very many close friends in town), but it was still very devastating to me... she had 2 children, a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. Luckily they were with their father at the time. I talked about this earlier in the week... I can't even imagine having to somehow explain to children that old where mummy is... She was separated from their father, but it has hit him really hard too. Their separation was a little messy... but they both loved their children and wanted the best for them, but there was issues... I guess there are a whole different set of issues now.

It's such a tragedy when anyone dies so suddenly and so young... even more so when it's someone you know...

Rest In Peace Little Duck :)

<3 Molly

Back To Work

I'm back to work tomorrow, after 2 weeks off.
It feels like I've been away from work for months, it's very weird.

So much has happened over the last couple of days. My anxiety has been playing tricks on me, letting me be happy and content one second, then doubting and sad the next.

Goals

Weight as of 1st July 2014 = 153.3kg
Goal #1 - 140kg
Goal #2 - 125kg
Goal #3 - 100kg
Goal #4 - 90kg
Goal Weight = 88kg (just because I like 8s)

When I reach under 100kg I'm going to get a tattoo! I don't know what I'm going to get... but I have awhile to decide!
I'm very excited about the prospect of going into a store and buying clothes, not having to go into the plus size section! I worked out, that at 88kg I should be a size 14/16. I'm a 24/26 at the moment! I have big hips, and probably will always have big hips, even when I lose weight. I'm very excited.

<3 Molly

Midnight Tears

Last night, while I was lying in bed, I had a little cry. A cry because I was thinking about being skinnier... and I've never been skinnier... I've always been fat and it was all a little overwhelming.
I know it's going to cost me a lot of money, but in the long run, it's the BEST THING EVER I could do for MYSELF!

I no longer care what others think or say about my choices, I even considered announcing my upcoming surgery on Facebook, but I will wait until it's a little bit more finalised.
I have 12 hours of sick leave at work... definitely not enough for 3 weeks off... GREAT!
I did ring my insurance company, and I will be fully covered for hospital expenses in a private room... but not for surgeon and anaesthetist fees... which is going to be the most expensive... I'm hoping that at this appointment on the 11th July, I will be able to get some actual costs.
After I get back from holidays, I'm going to head to the bank and see if I can get a personal loan or something similar... But who knows how I'm going to get this money!

I've started to look into diets to shrink my liver, because that is something that is really important to do before surgery, which will help heaps. This article is very informative!

I have also turned my Fat Geek to Fab Geek tumblr into an inspiration blog! Check it out HERE!

 

Phew! Crisis Averted!

The health insurance issue has been sorted. Dr Cohen works from 2 different hospitals and one of them is covered. Phew!

The next step in my journey is to ring my insurance company and ask them how much they cover, how much I will have to pay... medical gap shit! BLERGH! They make it so hard. If you make it to the end, they realise how much you want them... thats the idea, isn't it?!?!

I told my dad about my plans, he's supportive, but scared. I'm scared too, but I need this, and it's going to happen! Do you know what is causing me the most anxiety? Being away from work for a long period... I have estimated I may need about 3 weeks off for the operation and recovery :( Also the money is an issue... I'm aiming to save about $7000, but thats a high estimate.

I have just sent off emails to cancel my subscriptions to Nerdblock and Lootcrate... that's how serious I am about this! Thats $100 a month I can be putting towards this! plus... they were starting to get a bit shit!

Wow! This is really happening. 2 weeks until my first appointment! But I don't have time for that... I have a trip to Sydney between now and then! YAY!

<3 Molly

Scary!

I received the confirmation email from the surgeon today, about my first appointment, and it was full of information! Including a whole 7 page PDF about the risks! So naturally, being the irrational thinker that I am... I'm freaking out a little. 1 in 2500 die! That's not much! 2500 people is not that many! I know I'm being silly and irrational!

And did you know? it cost $17,000 plus if you don't have private insurance... it costs $10,000 just in hospital fees! and that's in a shared room, but the Hospitals are still crying out for funds etc. What if you need surgery and you don't have private insurance!? What happens then?

I'm going to have to travel to Perth a lot for this. I need to go at least 4 times before the surgery, than 2 weeks after, 6 weeks after, 6 months, 12 month, 24 months etc. Work is going to hate me! BUT I DON'T CARE!

<3 Molly

Stupid Insurance!!

I have discovered, that my private help insurance (which I've been paying almost $100 month for 2 years) has decided to only offer FULL benefits to certain hospitals... and the hospital that I have been referred to, is not one of them! So BLAH!
I guess I'm going to find a different specialist. FUCK THAT! I was so upset when I read it! I'm very annoyed!

In other news... passed the rent inspection! Now I can be excited about SYDNEY! YAY!

<3 Molly

Butterflies & Appointments!

Made the appointment with the weight surgery specialist today! I've had butterflies since I made the call! I'm excited and scared!
It's going to be a lot of very hard work, including pain, and shitty food, but in the end I will feel better.
I understand fat acceptance! I'm so very proud of everyone I see that is happy in their bodies! I tried to fell happy in mine, but I'm not! I really really tried! To except myself, like I am. The rolls, the jiggles... everything... I just want to be less rolley and less jiggly, and I hope my friends can accept that!