Anxiety

Last night I had a anxiety attack over food.
I can feel myself starting to avoid food more and more.
It's one of the side effects of weight loss surgery, but it's very rare.
I feel weird even thinking about it.
It's always been an illness you relate to super skinny people.
But it's not, over weight and obese people can get it too.
Food is a very important part of life, especially for me, I'm not capable of eating much, so I need to be even more aware of what I'm putting in my mouth.
So not chips, and chocolates!

I'm avoiding going into my kitchen.
It smells, and there is rubbish everywhere
The dishes are unwashed and the fridge is full of cake, and leftover take away food.
The pantry is full of biscuits.
I'm sure there is food there suitable for me
But it depresses me, that I have to push past all the food I love to find it.
I don't have enough energy to put that much effort in.
And it's not much effort.

Maybe I should just suck it up and clean the kitchen
Not much of the mess is mine. Some of it is.
I feel like I shouldn't have too.
But I feel like that if I don't, it won't get done.

I don't have any support.
I don't want to ask for it.
I shouldn't expect it to just be there.
I can't expect my family to change their lives to fit with me.

<3 Molly