Anxiety

Last night I had a anxiety attack over food.
I can feel myself starting to avoid food more and more.
It's one of the side effects of weight loss surgery, but it's very rare.
I feel weird even thinking about it.
It's always been an illness you relate to super skinny people.
But it's not, over weight and obese people can get it too.
Food is a very important part of life, especially for me, I'm not capable of eating much, so I need to be even more aware of what I'm putting in my mouth.
So not chips, and chocolates!

I'm avoiding going into my kitchen.
It smells, and there is rubbish everywhere
The dishes are unwashed and the fridge is full of cake, and leftover take away food.
The pantry is full of biscuits.
I'm sure there is food there suitable for me
But it depresses me, that I have to push past all the food I love to find it.
I don't have enough energy to put that much effort in.
And it's not much effort.

Maybe I should just suck it up and clean the kitchen
Not much of the mess is mine. Some of it is.
I feel like I shouldn't have too.
But I feel like that if I don't, it won't get done.

I don't have any support.
I don't want to ask for it.
I shouldn't expect it to just be there.
I can't expect my family to change their lives to fit with me.

<3 Molly

Molly Skywalker by Alex

Molly Skywalker by highlyfunctioningsociopath

My little sister made me this set on Polyvore
It's so awesome. Its even got little things, like basil :)
I love it so much!
Thanks Alex :)

<3 Molly

Survival

I survived my first week back at work.
I feel like I haven't had any time off. It was pretty crazy!

I also found out during the week, that a friend of mine had been killed in a car accident. We weren't overly close (I don't have very many close friends in town), but it was still very devastating to me... she had 2 children, a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. Luckily they were with their father at the time. I talked about this earlier in the week... I can't even imagine having to somehow explain to children that old where mummy is... She was separated from their father, but it has hit him really hard too. Their separation was a little messy... but they both loved their children and wanted the best for them, but there was issues... I guess there are a whole different set of issues now.

It's such a tragedy when anyone dies so suddenly and so young... even more so when it's someone you know...

Rest In Peace Little Duck :)

<3 Molly

Back To Work

I'm back to work tomorrow, after 2 weeks off.
It feels like I've been away from work for months, it's very weird.

So much has happened over the last couple of days. My anxiety has been playing tricks on me, letting me be happy and content one second, then doubting and sad the next.

Tax Return...

I have done some quick calculations and figured out that my tax refund will be enough to cover my assessment appointment with Dr Cohen. It's a 3 hour appointment with an assessor, a dietician and a fitness physiotherapist. It's $500 per doctor... i.e. $1500, and needs to be paid on the day of the appointment.

So I have money to cover that part of the process, now to find money to actually cover the surgery, including $5000 in surgeon fees, and whatever it costs for an anaesthetist, plus all those extra hidden costs, like the VLCD, the price of staying in Perth. (I think I wrote about this in the last post... sorry for repeating myself)

<3 Molly